In my twenties, I struggled in search of the wonderful romantic relationship I so deeply desired. I worked hard to live the Law of Attraction, trying to manifest my dream partner through my energetic vibrations and vision boards. I wished, visualized, prayed, dreamed, only to often feel lonely and sad. And all the while, I felt that focusing on what I wanted–but didn’t have–seemed like the wrong approach.
In my wiser thirties, I stopped using the law attraction. And I began dancing. I wore feathers and went to protests and festivals. I hiked and ran through the mountains and bathed in waterfalls. I reconnected with the beaming ray of light and that footloose fancy free person inside of me all along. I reconnected with my strengths and interests, my flow and greatness. This was the beginning of living the Law of Radiance–the beginning of falling in love with my life, and soon, with my partner.
At first, back in my twenties, the Law of Attraction seemed like a great solution as I was (desperately) trying to figure out where the Universe had been hiding my husband. I remember when my friend first gave me a book about the Law of Attraction. I was thrilled. Finally… some hope! Like the book instructed, I started trying to create those feelings I would feel if I already had a partner at home waiting for me. I made my list of every possible trait I was looking for in a “match” to help magically draw him to me. I filled my bedroom with red to start attracting love energy. I made my vision board filled with husbands and families and family vacations and talked to it daily. I set my table for two people instead of one. And I waited. And dated men who I later realized were emotionally unavailable . And waited. And felt sad when they stopped calling. And cried. And waited.
The Law of Attraction says there is no way to tell when it was going to work but it will. I think that might also be good marketing for lottery tickets and every type of vitamin and supplement.
Eventually I got tired of waiting and gave up on the Law of Attraction. It would be easy to make this whole process of surrendering my hopes for manifesting my dream man by attracting him with my magic list of character traits and good vibration sound neat and pretty. But honestly, it was filled with buckets of tears, sleepless nights, feelings of shame and empty loneliness. Because when I gave up on the Law of Attraction, I had to actually sit with my feelings as they were happening in the moment: sadness about past relationships, fear of getting old and never being able to have children. I couldn’t just ignore the present to live in some future pretend life that didn’t exist.
Sitting with things as they are is the first step toward connecting with your Radiance. After sitting with my fear and sadness in meditation and prayer, I got quiet enough to reconnect with the river of peace that is also within me. I reconnected to my inner space of unconditional love, unending hope, ever present joy, infinite beauty. I started choosing things that made me happiest–wearing pink, painting, hiking, making new friends, doing more yoga.
I was choosing to Radiate and give free reign to my glimmers of Radiance.
I have been having these glimmers my entire life. We all have. I remember when I was in middle school, I was swinging on the swings and singing and I just felt so happy I might burst. I remember in high school going camping with my friends, looking across the lake with the moon shining down feeling certain that I was in the right place at the right time. I remember interviewing for my dream job and being so fully present that I connected with each of the interviewers like they were family and I was the answer to their dreams. I remember playing card games with my family and feeling filled to the brim with love for them, love from them, giggling the whole time.
My soul is a shining light– powered by the best moments of my life lived so far– and it Radiates to brighten up my path. Your soul is a shining light too. You have your own Radiance to bring forth. What moments have you had when tears were brought to your eyes because you just knew that THAT was the moment? When have you felt down to your bones that THIS is pure, gorgeous, fill-up-your-life love we have within and around us?
I wanted to meet the love of my life, so I gave up on the Law of Attraction and started practicing the Law of Radiance.
When we are happy, our souls can shine brighter. We feel more grounded in the Source. I got a piano and a guitar and started singing and making music–things I hadn’t done since middle school. I went to every concert I could afford. I said yes to every invitation I had to parties, camping trips, bonfires, bike rides, music festivals. I changed jobs and moved to California to be closer to some of my favorite people in the Universe. I fell madly in love with myself. And then I met a wonderful man– at a hike– and started falling in love with him too.
I am no expert on what to say on first dates or how to change your online dating profile to attract more attention. But if you’re looking for more love in your life, then I have some ideas. Attracting love to our lives happens when we generate love within ourselves. Reconnecting with that which makes us happy– and creating moments when we are filled with joy and fulfillment– allows us to see the world as beautiful and giving and loving. This is the Law of Radiance. Whether in dating or in relationships or in our careers, we shine brighter when we delight in ourselves. Love makes its home within us here and now.
Do what makes you happy. Do what makes you laugh. Take action and reconnect with what fulfills you. Don’t focus on what you don’t have or what you want. Instead, connect to your own spirit and fill your life with love. Let go of your attachment to what you think you want and flow in this little puddle of bliss called life. Lord knows there’s nothing more attractive than a loving, happy, giggling human being. Put down your vision board, stop pretending like s/he is already there. S/he’s not there, but s/he’s somewhere. The brighter your light can shine, the more likely you are to be able to see yourself, to see you path, and for your love to see you when they have the gift of crossing your path.
With Love and Light,